Trigger Warning: Mention of Drugs

In Memory of All Those Fallen Angels In 2023

Winter Welcome to all the Wonderful Warriors!! 

2024.

Where did 2023 go?!

I’ve got too many memories from a year that seemed to have passed without any trace of time. 

With the New Year brings the “New Year, New Me!“‘s out. 
Which, I agree, it’s a starting point…
And any starting point is great.

The problem is… 
Most often, these
New Year, New Me“‘s, are just a bunch of basic phrases, that are made to impress the masses, rather than, made to actually improve our lives. 

I, myself, have been the culprit of such lacklustre promises…
That I, so, desperately adorned on midnight of a New Year’s Eve.
Spreading my eager buzz about for the next few weeks.
Creating tidal waves of announcements with my new found passion for whatever ’twas the latest in my life path.
Posting on my feeds uplifting quotes and sharing my days of change in abundance.
Until…
These “changes” I soooooo desperately desired…
I didn’t desire at all anymore.
And…
In fact…
Hated that I had made the open announcements concerning my new “project” with such great enthusiasm.
But…
Eventually, I just didn’t even care at all anymore about them.
And…
Life returned to normal. 

….

A New Year, can be the start of an exciting, incredibly rewarding change….
IF…
That change has been a major factor for a long time; the person has drained enough time and energy…  increasing the desire to make this decision… knowing the effort they will have to put towards this kind of transformation; and, the person, is not just inspired by the NEW YEAR itself… 
They have been inspired by life altering experiences, events, thoughts, ideas, or something else, that has catapulted their way of thinking into a brand new reality for them…
Creating inside of them, a NEED,  for a transformation of some sort. 
This could be seen from anything from: quitting smoking, to quitting meth, to getting help for depression, to applying for a new job, to going into therapy of some sort… anything that will shift the focus of your mind into a more productive and positive way of capturing your life.
Any of these changes…
Can be soo deeply wanted… 
So deeply needed…
And…
Sooooooo fucking hard to make. 

I know. 
First, it took me years to figure out how to make a decent connection with someone who wanted me to be healthy. 
Without that, I couldn’t afford to make a choice for myself that was a good one. 
I, unfortunately, didn’t have any sense of self… no sense of worth… and, so, I would allow anything, or anyone, into my life that would cause me harm or cause chaos, or even death.
Finally, with a voice of reason in my ear, I could hear that I was worth more than killing myself everyday… 
And… 
It took a long time… 
A lot of work on her part… 
And, on my part, a lot of being uncomfortable… 
But…
One day… 
Her words… 
Suddenly…
Made sense. 

I didn’t want to live in pain. 
I didn’t want to hurt myself. 
I didn’t want to die. 

And… 
Still… 
It took several more months of me killing myself every damn day with dope… 
It took several more months of playing cat and mouse with bad men who loved them some fucked up mice…
It took too many nights up with people I didn’t want to be with… And days alone with someone I didn’t want to be… 
Before…
I, finally, could afford to make the choice between living and dying. 

And… 
SSTILLLLL…
I wasn’t ready. 

But…
Everyday after that… 
Something in my head told me I was better than what I was doing…
Every day after that… 
Something in my head said to me this isn’t what I wanted anymore… 
And…
One day…
I made the choice between living and dying. 

Tomorrow, January 9, 2024,  is 14 months away from the trauma, away from the dope, and into a new life for me. 

I came into this year as a new person. 

I will go out as someone, completely, different again. 

And…
This will continue for the rest of my life.
As I now know…
Transformation truly takes time. 
Transformation truly takes energy. 
Transformation truly is a lifelong process that everyone has the capacity to make.

Transformation : a promise that you made to yourself that you either keep… or you break. 
It’s that simple…
And…
It’s that hard.

And…
It’s something so beautiful to experience. 

….

Transformation can take place anytime… 
So, if this is YOUR New Year… 
It could BE the start of your change…
If that is what you TRULY want. 

And, if it is…
Grab it!! 
Hold onto it!!!
DON’T STOP!!!!
KEEP GOING!!!!!
CAN YOU HEAR US CHEERING YOU ON?!!
YOU ARE AMAZING!
YOU ARE WORTHY! 
YOU ARE DESERVING! 
YOU ARE THE ONE THAT MAKES THIS HAPPEN!!!!!!!! 

…..

It really doesn’t matter when you choose to change. 
If you want to transform your life into something other than…
You absolutely can… 
But… 
Don’t wait for a specific date…
Any day can be the start of a New Year for you!!! 

And… 
Remember…
The faster you start… 
The faster you can look back at how far you’ve already come.

I truly believe in anyone who is out there right now trying their best to make it day, by day, by day. 
It’s hard. 
Harder than most people realize. 
This season especially is tough for a lot of us…
But…
Look at us alive and well, still…
We got this. 
It’s okay not to be okay everyday. 
It’s okay to feel sad some days. 
It’s okay not to be ‘butterflies’ and ‘rainbows’ everyday. 

It’s not okay…
To stay that way. 
So…
If you are having an especially difficult time right now… 
Please, my dearest friends, reach out to a friend… 
Go to a local hospital… 
Go to the emergency room…

Please, my dearest dearest friends, please, take extra care of yourself this time of year. 

Miigwetch 
(Thank You)

“There are no pleasures in a fight, but some of my fights have been a pleasure to win.” 

                      ~ Muhammad Ali

Always Got Your Back 
Angel Warrior 1Thousand