Hello everyone, and welcome back to another blog with Morty! I hope everyone has had a good week in some way or another. My week was a bit busier than usual, but it’s almost coming to an end which I’m always very happy about! Why may you ask? Well, I love my weekends to relax, clean, organize, re-set, meal prep, walk, journal etc. Yes, I know it sounds busy after saying I had a busy week, but the thing is; I actually LOVE doing those things during the weekend. Don’t get me wrong, I will definitely watch a couple of episodes of my current favourite show, but mentally, I can’t just do that for the whole weekend. If you know me personally, you know that I love to do lists and organization hacks for fun.
In last week’s blog, I touched on healing trauma and my experiences with it. At the end of last week’s blog though, I also mentioned that this week, I wanted to tell you exciting news about my new living situation and how much it has helped me and will continue to help me in the near future. I will explain what I mean, as I write today’s blog.
In today’s blog, I actually want to discuss something that I’m not too sure you know yet about my story. Perhaps I’ve mentioned it before, but I know for sure I haven’t done a full blog explaining and going into further detail about what I will be sharing with you today. So during my childhood, all the way till today, my go-to when I’m feeling sad, happy, angry, lost, excited, depressed, etc is my mom. My mom has always been that person to me. Someone who truly sees me for who I am and really understands me. I feel safe and loved when I’m around her. I know coming into recovery we all have that one person that makes us feel those things, and for me, that person is my mom. But why am I sharing this?
Well, when I was in kindergarten; I lived with my mom. When I started elementary school; I lived with my mom. When high school began; I lived with my mom. When I graduated and took a year off before deciding to go into college or university; I also lived with my mom. Not long after that, I met my trafficker and he’s the only person I’ve ever lived with alone, aside from my family. Living with him was a HUGE change but I adapted to the situation pretty quickly. I can say that his recruiting/ manipulating tactics that he used on me, definitely worked because, at some point, I truly believed I felt loved and cared for by him. Ugh, I hate admitting it and writing it, but that’s how “trauma bonds” are created.
After living with him, I was either in HT programs or back at my mom’s house. Long story short, basically the whole point of me telling you all of this is to make you understand that living on my own is something I’ve never ever really done myself. I didn’t know how it felt to be on my own until recently. SafeHope Home has given me an incredible opportunity for me to experience this living situation as I continue to wait for a vacancy for priority housing to come through. It’s a basement apartment and the best thing about it is that it already feels like home, and it’s only been a few weeks. I’ve been enjoying my own company and have started to decorate it how I want it to look. Sleeping on a queen bed is triggering at times, but I’ve tried to sleep in the middle taking up the whole bed, instead of just on one side. Even though the apartment is still inside of SHH, for me when I’m in the apartment it feels like being really on my own if that makes sense. I have to admit, it has definitely had its challenges as I am now going through more change and transitioning into more independence and more responsibility.
I do want to clarify that every participant has their own individualized case planning, meaning this opportunity was offered to me and hopefully for someone else too down the line.
I think I will end today’s blog here, but before I do, I want to thank SafeHope Home for the opportunity that they’ve given me. An opportunity for me to face my triggers and fears of being completely independent. An opportunity to experience something that will help me in my near future to feel comfortable enough to truly understand that I don’t need to depend on no man. I’ve been to a couple of different programs during these past years and SHH is by far the best one yet to really push me and believe in me. I used to Uber and drive the car that my trafficker got me everywhere… now I bus and know several routes. I’ve never had to buy groceries and bus or anything. But I’m happy to see that I can do it. Maybe it’s silly for someone to hear that, but for me it was a huge accomplishment.
Like I’ve said, we all have different stories and experiences with HT. We all have our own triggers and different challenges.
Till next time,