Hey, welcome back!
I promised on the last blog that I would introduce myself to you today, and that’s exactly what I will be doing. I do have to say though, I am really nervous to do this. It’s been two weeks since the last blog post and since then I’ve been doing a lot of thinking of how to go about it. I came to the conclusion that I can only try my best. I have read and listened to many survivors speak about their own stories and every one of them is unique. I can’t believe that my time has come to share my own story. So where should I start?
To be honest, I have pressed the delete button a couple of times already because this “get to know me” is more challenging than I thought it would be. This is actually hard in a way because there are many things that make me who I am that I want to share about myself with you, but for privacy reasons, I won’t be able to. But hey, that’s okay! Yes, perhaps you won’t get to know “me” on a personal level, but you’ll get to know my story.
So I guess I should start by saying that I never thought I would be here today. I mean like literally here alive and well. I never thought I would make it out alive. I never thought I would ever get trafficked. I didn’t even know what that actually meant. I never thought during those two years of being with my trafficker, that I would have daily suicidal thoughts. I also didn’t plan to still have this trauma bond with my trafficker that haunts me every day.
Who was I before all of this? Well, I was a girl who loved sports and being part of leadership groups. I was a girl who dreamt about one day meeting the love of her life and having a home with kids running around. I was a girl that set goals and made her parents and teachers proud. Then it hit one day. This feeling of wanting more. I had just been cheated on by the person who I trusted and gave my virginity to. That broke me. I felt worthless and unwanted. I wanted to be the opposite of what he liked about me and it went downhill from there.
I remember walking home one day and saying to myself “you only live once” very cheesy but it made everything I did after that feel like it was okay. I was living with no regrets. I did what I needed to do to be part of the party scene, I had “cool” friends, I wanted to live life differently and more exciting.
Part of me wishes I could say it ended there, but it didn’t.
To be continued.