After separating myself from my trafficker and making the decision to get clean and sober, I often found myself at a loss as to who I really was as a person. For years, I was being told what to do and when to do it by my trafficker or solely being driven by my drug of choice (D.O.C). Through all of the madness, I completely lost myself. When left to my own devices, I would think myself into anxiety attacks. This is very common for trauma survivors. Although this process is extremely difficult and exhausting, it is also so beautiful and rewarding. Being at SafeHope Home, I feel so blessed to be able to watch my peers grow as I grow alongside them.
I definitely haven’t completely figured myself out yet and I’m not sure if I ever truly will. That’s kind of the beauty of it. Humans are constantly learning and changing, we just have to surrender to the process. At one point in my life learning about myself was the last thing I wanted to do because I hated myself. I felt like a disposable human in a sense. I’ve learned here in the house that what happened to me wasn’t my fault. I did what I had to do to survive and I am stronger because of it.
I am a perfectly able person who is just as worthy as anybody else when referring to the good things in life. If you’re a survivor and you’re reading this, I want you to know that you are worth life, you are worth recovery, and you are so much stronger than you think you are. I hope you enjoyed this week’s blog post. I’ll be back next week with more.
Ciao for now