I feel that I haven’t spoken very much about the ways that my trauma has affected me as an individual. This week, I would like to use the blog to talk more about my own story. I personally hate using the word trigger because of the way that it is portrayed at times. Unfortunately, I’m finding it difficult to find a replacement word, so I will be using it quite a bit throughout this blog post. For those who are not sure what a trigger is, it can be defined as a reminder of past trauma that causes a person to be anxious and/or overwhelmed. The first trigger that I am going to speak about is my issue with charts. I know this might sound odd, but let me explain. When I was actively being trafficked, my trafficker would make me, as well as the other girls he was trafficking, write down the money that we were earning per call on a chart. This allowed him to keep track of the money coming in and create competition between the girls. As a result of this particular situation, things like chore charts, to do lists, and budgeting do prove to be difficult for me. This trigger is something that I am working through just to be able to handle everyday life.
Another example of a trigger for me is men that have certain features that resemble either my trafficker or old johns. If I’m being perfectly honest, this trigger does bring me some guilt. This is because I feel really bad when I’m put into situations with individuals who may have some resemblance to people from my past because I don’t usually tend to respond well.
The point of the blog this week is to bring into perspective how different and unpredictable peoples triggers can be. While I do believe learning to work through triggers is important, this doesn’t mean that it is an easy process. Some triggers may be lifelong, we just have to learn to deal with them in a healthy way.
Ciao for now