Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about the effect that my addiction had on me while I was actively being trafficked. Although I didn’t really have much choice on whether I left my trafficker or not, my addiction did stop me from trying to run a lot of the time. I knew that if I stayed with him and caused minimal problems, he would provide me with the drugs that I felt I so desperately needed at that point. Whereas if I tried to run, he would then force me to do things I didn’t want to do and withhold the drugs from me.
Drugs were my solution to my problems until the drugs became the problem themselves. When I was high, I didn’t have to feel what was going on around me. It made me feel like everything was ok, even if it was just for a moment. Looking back on when I first got clean, it’s hard for me not to laugh. My initial reasoning for getting sober was to prove everybody around me wrong. I wanted to prove that I could get clean. Now, I truly believe that if you are going to get sober, you should do it for yourself and nobody else. Without the mindset that I had then, I wouldn’t be sober now.
I look at sobriety as a blessing because unfortunately, not every addict gets the opportunity to be where I am today. Today I am happy, healthy, honest, and I have goals that actually feel achievable. If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction please note that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. If nobody has told you this today, I love you.
Ciao for now,
dear Ricky. what a beatiful peice. thank you for you wise words of hard earned wisdom.